Dear Baba.
What does it mean to be a father? What role should a father have in the lives of their children? How should a father love their children? Questions like these plague any father, and even more so in the modern day as we increasingly look to understand how our past culture has affected our current relationships, for better or for worse. I argue, however, nowhere are questions such as these as much of an issue as they are with immigrant fathers, because immigrant fathers balance one more big question: how do I share my culture with my children?
You often tell me that being so far from home, it becomes difficult to remember and cherish our culture, yet it is our duty to do so, as stewards of an ancient way of life. Immigrant fathers are called to balance the traditional culture they grew up with with a modern and vastly different Western culture. They must pass this culture on to a generation so disconnected from that place, physically and in spirit. They must ensure that their children do not feel disconnected from a vastly different culture that surrounds their day-to-day life. This balancing act is an indescribably difficult one, especially when you find yourself over 7,000 miles (nearly 12,000 kilometers) away from home. Yet, you have never faltered in that journey. You have always pushed forward with conviction and purpose. You have never sought to restrain the way I interacted with the American culture around me. Rather you taught me how to look for the true meaning of all the cultures that make up the tapestry of my past, present and future and see how to interweave what they’re all trying to convey. You’ve never tried to force one way of viewing the world and our relationship with it, whether through food, relationships or most notably religion. Instead, what you’ve pushed me to do is explore and look beyond what people say and delve into what people do. You’ve pushed me to understand the past of what we have done and use it to inform what we should continue to do. You have found a way to grasp the essence of living culture and imbued in me a love for that over any archaic or defunct customs that would only distance me from my home and my people. While many people of my age and cultural group refuse to eat Indian food or go to Indian celebrations, you’ve brought me to want to eat Rui Maach or Roshgulla. You’ve made me want to watch cricket with you and see whether the H1B Indians or Aadhar card Indians are winning. You’ve made me want to celebrate our culture and it’s something I’m so indescribably grateful for.
You still struggle with that question of how to best share your culture with me, which I see when the gears turn in your head when I ask another random question about something we do. However, you’re persistent, you’re creative and you have the love for me that compels you to strike that balance as best you can. I am blessed to have a father who can balance serious talks of cultural importance with funny cultural jokes and the freedom to be both Indian and American and not lose anything from either side. I only hope that when I have children, I can do that for them as well.
With All the Love in the World,
Vyom, Your Indian and American Son
